The Journal Series continues at glacial speed with a third article: The Brown Journal.
People probably think that I'm a very open person because of the way I seemingly say things that others think are too private. Well, I noticed that I'm a very private person; it's just the things I keep private that are different. I can't play the piano in front of people. Why bother carrying a sketchbook with me if I never draw in public? Most of my music is never written down because I never noodle around on the piano, because somebody will hear it. Most people don't have a clue about what my characters are all about. ... In fact, one reason my artistic development is completely stifled is because I fear the embarrassment. But you know all this already. Maybe what I need is the ability to isolate myself from people completely for hours on end, and listen to the inner Little Melike again.
"Men lose their high aspirations as they lose their intellectual tastes, because they have not time or opportunity for indulging them, and they addict themselves to inferior pleasures, not because they deliberately prefer them, but because they are either the only ones to which they have access or the only ones which they are any longer capable of enjoying." - John Mill
The one big success that came out of 2009 is Matchingfreak. Besides that, the general attitude I had was "whatever happens happens," and focused on not stressing out so much over hobbies.
This year, I am changing gears. I've decided to overwhelm myself with activities, because that is when I am most productive. I will take a stab at my goals, even when overcome by apathy, because deep inside, I know that they are important and worthwhile. I know that when I look back, I will think, "Look at what I've done. I'm awesome."